I didn’t want reform. I needed redemption. AA wasn’t enough—Jesus was.
I know this may not sit well with everyone, but I have to speak the truth as I’ve lived it. I gave Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) an honest try. I showed up. I listened. I participated. But deep down, I always felt a tension I couldn’t ignore. AA wasn’t enough—not for me. Because my issue wasn’t just alcohol. My issue was my heart. And only Jesus had the power to reach that deep.
The Verse That Changed Everything
“If the Son sets you free, you shall be free indeed.” — John 8:36
I remember the moment this verse pierced through the fog of my struggle. I didn’t just read it—I believed it. I believed that freedom was possible, not through steps or slogans, but through the living Christ.
But that belief would be tested.
Trying to Fit Into Recovery Rooms
At one point, I was attending a Celebrate Recovery group at a local church. I shared honestly about how I was trusting Jesus as the true answer. A woman looked at me and said, “Well, when you fall on your a** then come back.” That hurt. Deeply.
I also gave AA a year of my life—multiple meetings a week, printed steps in hand, even showing up with a copy of the First Amendment laid out before the chairperson to make a quiet statement: I will not be silenced about Christ. But AA didn’t welcome that. And many of the meetings were full of distraction—flirting, shame-based humor, or a culture of control.
One day, after another painful relapse, I walked into a meeting and a woman shouted, “Look what the cat dragged in!” and laughed. I left humiliated, not healed.
The Problem Wasn’t Participation—It Was the Foundation
AA aims to reform. It teaches behavior management. And while some people find temporary stability there, I wasn’t looking for reform. I was desperate for redemption.
I didn’t want to just learn how to live without alcohol. I wanted to be changed. Cleansed. Renewed. AA couldn’t give me that. But Jesus did.
I Knew There Was More
Even while I sat in those chairs, I felt it: This isn’t the whole story. I knew God. I knew His power. But I wasn’t prepared for the spiritual warfare that comes with addiction. I didn’t yet know how to fight with truth—or how much I needed Christ not just to help me cope, but to completely rescue me.
Why Jesus Was—and Still Is—Enough
Jesus didn’t flirt. He didn’t mock me. He didn’t silence me. He didn’t wait for me to hit rock bottom to love me. He met me in my pain and lifted me up. He set me free in a way no program ever could.
My recovery now isn’t based on coins or group approval—it’s based on mercy. I don’t rehearse my failures; I remember my Savior. He doesn’t just keep me sober. He makes me new.
To Those Who Still Struggle
Maybe you’ve felt the same tension I did—like the “rooms” weren’t home, and the steps weren’t deep enough. I want you to know: You’re not alone. And you’re not crazy.
There is a better way. And His name is Jesus.
Walking in Grace 
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